After turning 35 this year, I revisited the life lessons I wrote after turning 30. I was surprised at how well they have stood the test of time, not sure I could come up with better ones today. So instead of writing a new set of lessons, I’ve added five more at the end. I do recommend you read them all.
Here are the life lessons I have learned after 35 years on this weird planet:
- Be nice to people. It’s cheaper, healthier, and more effective.
- Your complete and undivided attention is one of the greatest gifts you can give. And it’s free, so give it more often.
- You can become anything, but not everything. So make a choice.
- You will regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did.
- Discipline is a myth. It can only bring you so far. If you want long-term results, you need to learn to love what you’re doing.
- Happiness = Reality – Expectations. Also, happiness is not a goal/destination. It’s a journey and it’s constantly changing.
- Money can buy happiness, but only up to a point.
- “Follow your passion” is terrible advice. There’s science behind finding the right job.
- Grit is more important than intelligence. (Don’t believe me? Read this)
- Deep work yields exponential results.
- Improving yourself is the best project you can work on.
- You can learn something from anyone you meet. Just listen.
- Try, fail. Try again, fail better. This is the only way to get better.
- To improve you need to leave your comfort zone.
- Work to acquire skills, not certificates.
- Showing up every day and doing the work as good as you can will put you in the top 50%. Grab the initiative and you’re in the top 10%.
- Don’t attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity (Hanlon’s razor). Far more people are stupid and/or incompetent than mischievous.
- Always share information. You don’t have the nuclear codes, so stop worrying.
- Competition is stupid. Focus on being better than you were yesterday.
- Don’t strive for perfection. In most cases good enough (about 80% perfect) will do just fine.
- Physical fitness is important. It affects your intellect, mood, and relationship to others. You only get one body, so don’t neglect it.
- Nothing ever lasts. Everything evolves, decays, or transforms. People also change. So do their priorities, dreams, and ideals.
- Consistency beats inspiration in the long run.
- It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Also, when you have screwed up, first admit it. Then you can ponder how and why it happened.
- Removing obstacles beats offering rewards. Avoiding pain trumps getting pleasure. Also, a loss is felt more powerful than a gain. (Read Kahneman’s book for more on this)
- To change a system you first have to understand its rules and learn to play the game to perfection.
- People can rationalize anything.
- Knowledge without execution is worthless.
- Stop asking “What is the meaning of life?”. Instead, ask “What can I do to make life better?”.
- Go to bed early. Wake up early. And don’t make important decisions late at night.
- Suffering isn’t optional, it’s an integral part of life. Embracing the suck will make things suck less.
- Kindness is a superpower. It’s not the opposite of strength, it’s complementary. And being kind to yourself is a lot harder than you think.
- Flexibility beats determination and optimization (i.e. timing flexibility, execution flexibility, psychological flexibility).
- Setbacks are part of the process. Stop seeing them as failures.
- Your thoughts are mere suggestions. They keep coming and going. It is your job to decide if you engage a thought or discard it.